Miscellaneous Ramblings.

Justification and identity.

I have about 12 hours to overcome a dilemma where I may well be considered as a morally bankrupt person. The problem itself is irrelevant. What's bugging me however, as the options I can take, and the arguments presented by both sides of each argument. On the one hand, I can listen to my base instincts and do what "feels" "right" to me. On the other, I can throw away loyalty and humility just to satisfy my whims.
Actually, it's not even the choices that's bugging me, but the human and ultimately absurdist need to justify my choices. I'll go down one choice, and concoct reasons for my behavior - ridiculous.
When it gets down to it, it doesn't even feel like justification, it just feels like I'm in a state of delusion, with a vain attempt to try and validate myself to myself. Isn't that pathetic? That for all my philosophical toil, the best I can come up with is another way to ultimately lie to myself?
Of course the other option doesn't look too good either, because it's not like there's an inherent truth within me that I can adhere to. I'm doing my best, but it doesn't feel right. But feeling is different to reason.

I guess the real question is: which one gets precedence?

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The maxim "You can't take care of yourself, how do you expect to (activity x)?"

IT's late and I'm lazy, but I did get one finished.